High time we got rid of the old guard

Everytime I see a football match I get more disheartened with the game. The ongoing South African World Cup is no exception. On the same day, in two crucial knockout matches, the referee decided the outcome of the game before a stunned and speechless world. In one game a legal goal was not awarded and, in the second, an illegal goal went up on the scoreboard. Football is the only sport where a consensus need not be reached on a foul to determine the sanction as dictated by the rules. The referee has absolute dictatorial powers and can do as he wishes. All this occurs because football's world governing body, FIFA, is headed by a stupid, stubborn old man who thinks he is God's gift to the beautiful game.

Football belongs to the players and their fans and not to Sepp Blatter and his band of idiots. It's time to get rid of the old bastard.

Blatter refuses to accept techological aids such as goal cams and video replays to resolve dubious line calls. He says it will slow down the game. Helloooooo! Hey Sepp, have you ever seen what happens whenever one of your refs makes a controversial call? The game comes to a screeching halt as players swarm the zebras to demand an explanation. So how is that quicker or more effective than a video replay?

Another thing that's really dumb is this concept called "stoppage time". Seriously, is there anything more inane? What's the point in having a game clock if at the end of the match you can add on anywhere from one to five minutes or even six or seven? Here's a quick fact in case you haven't been watching your own games, Sepp. On average, the ball is in actual play only 26 minutes during any half. Wouldn't it just be easier to have two 30 minute halves and a time keeper to stop the clock everytime the ball goes out or the referee blows his whistle? This way game delaying tactics such as last minute substitutions become a non-issue. The game is played the full 60 minutes regardless of fouls, faked injuries or substitutions.

The other stupid thing about football is how referees interpret the rules. Golf, which is much more complex, and has inifinitely more playing variations and circumstances, has a rule for every kind of situation a player may encounter on the course. And the rules leave no doubt as to what action to take or apply. Football is the only sport where the referee is free to interpret the rules to his own liking, such as what constitutes an intentional or unintentional handball in the penalty area, or how or if a player is offside. Here's a clue, Sepp: if you can't apply the rules to the same standard in EVERY game, get rid of the rule. You either apply the rules equally to everyone or you don't apply them at all.

What's clear is that the sport has to evolve and needs to leverage the benefits of technology. The referee can never have the authority to determine the outcome of the game, or have we forgotten the Champions League semifinal match between Chealsea and Barcelona in 2009? Otherwise, we're not talking about the beautiful game, Sepp. We're talking bullshit - you're bullshit.

Run, little fishes, run

If you live in a western big city like New York or Paris, chances are you commute to work and back. And more often than not that commute is done via public transport, assuming your city has a public transport system. European cities are pretty good about that - their public transport is second to none. Such is the case with Madrid where I live.

I commute to work and back daily. The morning journey to my work station, in particular, is a source of amazement and wonderment. At 8:30 every morning I see all sorts of people rushing about racing to make their trains or buses on time. "Run little fishes. Run!" I always seem to be silently yelling at all these minnows. I mean, let's face it, what's the point? Who in their right mind is so eager to get to work on time? My guess is only those who are making the big bucks. And if you're making the big bucks then you don't have to commute, you get chauffered around. If you're not making the big bucks, then you're just a low paid nobody and work is just a means to an end. In other words, the 95 percent of us.

So, if you're rushing to make your bus or train, it means you're already late. All your running around like a chicken without a head will not get you to work any sooner. If you're trying to get to work early to impress your boss, forget it. By the time you get to the office, you'll probably be a sweating, breathless mass of jelly from all that running around. Chances are you won't be smelling none too sweet, either.

Trust me, your boss is not going to be impressed with your show of feigned dedication. The fact that you arrive a disheveled mess every morning will tell him you are highly disorganized and have no notion of time management. Far from being impressed, he'll probably think you're trying too hard and have nothing to show for it. Result: you'll get passed over on the next job evaluation.

If you really want to impress your boss, arrive late! Yes, that's right - arrive late. Relax and take it easy on your morning commute. Don't get all flustered because you're running late, enjoy it. This will tell your boss a couple of things. First, you're boss will think you have balls, big heavy balls. Second, it'll show you have confidence and self-assurance. If you strut into the office with an easy swagger 30 minutes late every morning with your head held high while everybody else is scrambling about trying to look busy, your boss will think, "That's the kind of person I want working here. Someone with dogged self-assuredness; a self-starter who doesn't care what anybody else thinks and who doesn't take crap from anyone." Going against the flow shows you are your own person, an individual who thinks outside the box.

So remember, if you want to impress your boss and get that raise or promotion, arrive late and enjoy watching the little fishes run.

Spanish cars don't need airbags

If you ask any Spaniard about San Miguel Beer, he or she will tell you it's a great Spanish beer. If you ask any Spaniard about Walt Disney, he or she will tell you he was of Spanish descent. Of course, we know both answers are wrong. San Miguel is a Filipino beer and Walt Disney's ancestry traces back to Ireland.

But now comes the kicker: Who was responsible for the Allied victory in Europe during WWII? Why, Juan Pujol, a Spanish spy of course. Thanks to Pujol, the story goes, he convinced Hitler the Allies would never land at Normandy, and thus, the area needed no further reinforcements. So, as far as Spain is concerned, Europe owes its freedom to Spain. Forget the fact Franco was Hitler's pawn.

The Spanish believe they are the best at everything. And if they're not, then it's not worth mentioning or watching.

Last November, after the final race of the season at Dubai, a news anchor at the government controlled TV station said, "So ends the most boring season in Formula 1 racing we've ever seen." If memory serves me right, last season was anything BUT boring. We had a Cinderella team beating the big guns, we had controversy surrounding the diffusers, an impending breakup of the FIA, race fixing and the lifetime ban of Favio Briatore. That's boring? The reason the season was "boring" for Spanish newscasters is because Fernando Alonso didn't do jackshit all season long. Fernando Alonso, the greatest driver Formula 1 has ever produced. Michael who?

Until 2008, Wimbledon was never seen on TV. Why? Because Rafa Nadal always crashed out in the early rounds. For the Spanish, the French Open was the most important tournament on the tennis calendar. Needless to say, Nadal won at Roland Garros five consecutive times.

And let's not even get started on Pau Gasol. The reason the Lakers are so good is thanks to Pau. Forget Kobe. He (and the team) would be nothing without Pau. The Lakers may be NBA champions, but Spain is World and European Champion.

However, this hubris is not limited to sports. In politics, president Zapatero kept saying the Spanish economy was in the Champion's League of world economies. Never mind that we were headed to financial ruin with a 20% unemployment rate, increased public spending and an ever-increasing budget deficit. We're Spain and we're the best. Thanks to the Spanish economy, the euro is down against the dollar. OK, to be honest, Greece also played a part in that.

So, my premise remians. With so much hot air in this country, who the hell needs airbags?